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The 5 weirdest Christmas songs ever made

weirdest Christmas songs

We went spelunking the depths of YouTube looking for the 5 weirdest Christmas songs of all time, and, well, mission accomplished.

The Christmas Holidays are a great time for getting together with the ones you love, feigning excitement at your white elephant Christmas gift, and gaining ten pounds in less than a day. But you’re going to need music for these things, and we at DBP have been exploring the bizarro depths of YouTube for the weirdest Christmas songs ever made, so you don’t have to.

We’ve assembled a list that would make Bing Crosby spin in his grave, so buckle up because we’ve basically found the blood sausage and lutefisk list of Christmas music; you’ll resist at first, but it’s only a matter of time before you’re the one person at the party who is hip to the acquired taste that these songs offer.

Mössens julafton

The Mice Cosplayers of Norway

“Mössens julafton” (roughly translated by Google) means “Mice’s Eve” and boy, is it a joyous eve indeed. You know the phrase, “not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse?” The Norwegians are out to call bullshit on that one. “Mössens julafton” proves that if there’s one party to be at during the Christmas season, it’s the one where the vermin live. Please don’t listen to this too much.

Aussie Jingle Bells

Bucko & Champs 

Ute = Truck. Short for “Utility Vehicle.” A vehicle reminiscent of the Chevy El Camino, still made in Australia today by a company called Holden, which are basically Chevy in Australia because they’re owned by GM (but don’t say that to a local in a pub because you might get glassed).

Esky = Cooler. Short for Eskimo. The prominent cooler brand in Australia, thus making the name applicable to any cooler in the country regardless if it is made by Esky or not.

Boot = Trunk of a car

Singlet, Shorts, and Thongs = Tank top, Shorts, and Flip-flops.

Proceed.

 

Christmas Eve/Sarajevo

Trans-Siberian Orchestra

You need to know the name of this song because A) You’ve heard it and B) It’s the third best-selling Christmas song of all time. It’s a cover of “God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen” but along with that, the video follows the tale of a little girl who feels like checking out a mysterious time capsule somehow left in her living room on Christmas Eve. Shit gets real when she grabs that snow globe – 90s geopolitics appear on twelve screens, then twenty-four, then, OMG, a bad camera transition busts open to Trans-Siberian Orchestra rocking out in her backyard. Overall, the tone of this video feels slightly distrustful of NATO and given the name of the city in the song I can see why.

A Wombling Merry Christmas

The Wombles

The Wombles are a thing that should not be. A thing that kids in the US can be thankful for never having been exposed to because we had Fraggle Rock, so you can take that shit right back to Dartmoor, thank you very much. They resemble an aardvark mixed with Spy Vs Spy and worst of all, they were shameless enough to capitalize on the 70s UK glam rock scene made famous by David Bowie and T-Rex. No wonder Bowie had to constantly re-invent himself. It’s not fun when underground vermin are trying to bite your style. I will say that this jam has a sweet sax riff, a Flying V guitar, and some Aerosmith meets Run-DMC choreography but even that isn’t enough to make this enjoyable while sober.

Shaman Spirit Reindeer of Siberia

Magicfolk

A toy reindeer journeys through a budget chrome key of yuletide vibes. Magicfolk appear with said reindeer in the frame as they perform the Siberian Reindeer Shuffle. But the journey is far from over. Our reindeer protagonist has a date with a fire breathing Pegasus before he journeys beyond the earth’s orbit on a magic mushroom. The penguins outside their igloo rejoice as he flies by. Magicfolk do a choreographed reindeer dance. Things get very Mac OS 8 before spiralling out of control. Once you make it to the 3:06 mark you might be wondering if Magicfolk’s drummer knows how to play the drums. If you make it to the end of this video, then Salutations! I’m just over that snow peak looking for the schnapps if you want to join me.

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After attending the University of Kansas, Nate left his homeland and moved to Australia. He now buys too many books and records, and can be found fare-evading on public transportation in Melbourne.