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Rewatching Game of Thrones Season 4: Bloody, horrible peacetime

In preparation of the fifth season of Game of Thrones, coming to HBO on April 12, I decided to rewatch all 40 episodes. Despite how amazingly well done and entertaining the show is, jamming that much bleak into your face in a short period of time can lead to some alarming issues.

The other night I thought I heard a coyote in the distance. Rather than bringing in our cat like a responsible human, I armed him with tiny blades on his paws. “Only the strong survive,” I told our confused looking ball of fur before throwing him back outside. I swore I would avenge him if it came to that.

Actually, of the four seasons of Game of Thrones, the fourth is arguably the least violent after the first. That bar is severely warped though. Sure, several fairly prominent characters die (including one of the most grotesque deaths ever in a big budget TV show), but the previous season ended with a sizable percentage of the cast receiving pink slips. The season before that was plenty bloody as well.

The fourth season had, arguably, the most shocks of any of the four seasons so far. Maybe not necessarily the biggest shocks, but there were several “holy shit!” moments throughout. There were also a few new storylines introduced that started to show how the series will diverge from the books.

Part of the reason I first decided to rewatch Game of Thrones was to freshen up on it and identify where the show begins to leave Martin’s books behind, as they announced they would. Some of that, on a minor scale, has already begun. And in a few instances you can see exactly why.

Take the Grey Worm/Missandei flirtation. That isn’t even hinted at in the books (feel free to correct me there if I am wrong), but given that Dany’s cast of supporting characters isn’t all that strong in the books, it makes sense to flesh out those around her.

Probably before the show brutally and senselessly murders them

Check out my Season 1, Season 2, and Season 3 recaps, then join me in freaking out over whatever twists the show has planned when it returns on April 12.

Begin!

 

 

The aristocratic gene pool of Westeros must look like a port-a-potty.

 


Kool-aid and dragon shaped cookies for everyone!

 

 

Credit to the show, but Jack Gleeson’s face just makes me angry. I’m sure he is a lovely guy, but it’s like Pavlov’s Dogs with the bell. I see him, and I want to slap him like Tyrion did. Gleeson needs to save a bunch of orphans from a burning building, or give away puppies or something to rehab his image.

 


At this point, I kept thinking how well the scene was framed, and how talented the cast is. It barely even registered that a brother was sort of sexually assaulting his sister on top of their incestuously created bastard child. Barely registered.

I should probably be more concerned by that.

 

 

The original Daario was just a pretty boy. That fit for the character. I didn’t give a shit about him, and I don’t think the audience of either the book or the show was meant to either. He was Dany’s boy toy. This new Daario though is kind of cool, and that sucks.

I like him, and when he dies in one of a thousand awful ways, I’m gonna feel bad about it. Not really bad, of course, but a little bad at least.

 


What if it turned out that Hodor was actually a genius, and his one word exclamations were really complex and densely packed mathematical constructs packaged in a two syllable word.

Maybe you just don’t, like, get it, man.

 

 

The Westeros public school system has failed these children. To be fair, if there were a Westeros public school, the curriculum would need to be kind of horrific. Math, followed by history, then on to field amputation. 

 

 

Arya and the Hound are adorbs. Especially the way they murder people together. It’s a bonding experience for a killer and his adorable, psychotic ward.

It’s like Batman and Robin… if Batman sucked and Robin wanted to murder a bunch of people.

 

 

This show has killed children, castrated main characters, murdered more people than typhoid, and generally been a son of a bitch to its characters. And yet, Bron abandoning Tyrion was one of the saddest goddamn things yet.

 


Sansa may not be a warrior, but that slap may end up being a martial art form. I bet her right arm is all muscle. Just totally swollen.

 

 

I occasionally wonder if Martin and the showrunners had a series of just terrible relationships that ruined the way the way they look at people in love. There is not a single healthy relationship remaining, and those that may fall in love are probably doomed.

 


For reals.

 

 

If Martin is writing with karma in mind, Ramsay Snow’s death will rival Walder Frey’s. Maybe they will be standing together when a bucket of flaming snakes hits them both on the head and knocks them into a pot of boiling oil. After draggin themselves out and into a poo filled stream, 19 days later they would then die of horrible burns and dysentery. 

Not a fan.

 

 

That escalated quickly.

 

 

His chief weapon is dickishness! Dickishness and shadow vagina monsters! His two chief weapons are dickishness, shadow vagina monsters, and leeches filled with royal penis blood! His three chief weapons…

 

 

Lessons all well learned.

Rewatching Game of Thrones Season 4 recap

If there is advanced, sentient life whizzing about the galaxy, and someone really wanted to screw humanity over, they could just give the aliens the entire run of Game of Thrones and call it a documentary. The aliens would either avoid us like the plague or nuke us from orbit to prevent little Joffreys from spreading beyond our planet. And to be fair, who could blame them?

Despite the fact that I now carry a seven inch survival knife with me everywhere I go, and I may have have been about 30 seconds away from taking hostages in a coffee shop when a random guitarist started playing a song that vaguely sounded like the “Rains of Castamere,” I’m glad I rewatched the series. Game of Thrones really is one of the most amazing shows on TV.

Now I’m going to go watch the dumbest, sweetest comedy I can possibly find. At least until Sunday the 12th.

 

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Founder and DBP boss. Ryan likes the Kansas Jayhawks, long walks on the beach, and high fiving unsuspecting people.
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