Japanese pro wrestling is f**king weird
Japanese pro wrestling star Joey Ryan was challenged to a test of strength. Rather than arm wrestling or punching, or anything sane, he sues his penis.
I spend a lot of time on the Internet, so I’ve seen a lot of weird videos. And I’m not just talking about things like skateboarding bulldogs or insanely expensive (almost certainly scam-ish) anti-marijuana goggles. I’m talking about the weird stuff. Stuff that leaves you speechless.
This clip doesn’t reach the levels of darkness that some clips do, but I can honestly say that I don’t think I’ve seen anything quite like the video below.
The clip features wrestler Joey Ryan, an American-born Japanese pro wrestler who recently performed in Osaka, Japan, in a match against Danshoku Dino at the DDT Pro Wrestling event.
I don’t know quite how to explain it and do the video justice, so I’ll just say it: Ryan uses his penis to attack Dino in a bizarre way.
Never thought I’d write those words.
The act is described as a “test of strength.” It begins when Dino grabs Ryan’s junk. Rather than screaming in pain, Ryan somehow flexes his penis and, bewilderingly, hurts Dino’s shoulder.
Apparently, Ryan’s penis also has grip of some kind. Dino doesn’t seem able to let go.
As weird as that is, it just keeps going and getting weirder. Ryan makes his penis into a tactical weapon, causing Dino to flip over. Like his penis is a propeller. There’s really no logic to it, so don’t go looking for any.
By the way, the move is called the “tubeplex.” It’s tough to imagine that this will become a signature move for Ryan. It’s not that Ryan probably wouldn’t want to put his junk on the line, but you have to think that even in pro wrestling, even in Japanese pro wrestling, the “squeeze their balls” attack is somewhat rare. If not, why in god’s name would anyone ever want to become a Japanese wrestler?
The move served its purpose. Beyond possibly neutering Ryan, the clip has gone on to gain international fame. It was even featured on ESPN.
Check it out below, and feel free to wince in pain.