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More Than 30,000 Sign Up to Drink Red Liquid Sewage from the Black Sarcophagus

More Than 30,000 Sign Up to Drink Red Liquid Sewage from the Black Sarcophagus

After opening a mysterious black sarcophagus and finding three skeletons in red liquid, people want to drink from it – even though it’s sewage.

After more than 10,000 years of recorded human history, you’d think everyone would get used to the idea that people are weird. And yet, again and again, something comes up that not only proves us wrong, it proves us hella wrong.

A few weeks back, a mysterious black sarcophagus was discovered in Alexandria, Egypt. It was found under an urban area so there wasn’t much to inform the archaeologists in terms of regional landmarks as to who the occupant was. There was also a statue near the sarcophagus, but it was worn down, so much so that it didn’t really offer many clues.

There were plenty of jokes about the sarcophagus being cursed, of course. It’s Egypt, there’s a mysterious coffin several thousand years old, and no one knows who (or what) is inside. So sure, the calls of a curse are pretty obvious. Plus, the world feels like it is kind of falling apart, ish, so maybe curses are real. Who are we to say they aren’t.

Anyway, naturally the archaeologists went and opened it because they ain’t afraid of no ghost/curses. Besides, there were theories that it was a long lost pharaoh or even the mush sought remains of Alexander the Great, so the need to know outweighed superstition.

The truth was a little less sexy than hoped for.

The sarcophagus was filled with three skeletons, more or less confirming that the inhabitants weren’t royalty – important, sure, but not royal. One of them also had an arrow wound in their head, which seems to confirm that the trio were high-ranking (or just heavily honored) military personnel.

The sarcophagus was also filled with a strange red liquid, which is where things got interesting.

At first, no one was sure what the liquid was. Could it be the remains of the inhabitants? Was it some mysterious fluid added thousands of years back?! Was it some magical elixir that grants superpowers?!?

No, it was just sewage from the city that leaked into the sarcophagus. So naturally, people joked that they want to drink it. And the joke took off. And continues to take off, so much so there they may need to be an official statement saying “No, you can’t drink the mummy sewage,” which would pretty much sum up 2018 in the most poetic way possible. So far more than 30,000 people have signed on to the joke via a change.org petition, and the number continues to rise.

The original poster st,ated “we need to drink the red liquid from the cursed dark sarcophagus in the form of some sort of carbonated energy drink so we can assume its powers and finally die.” And who knows? Maybe they are serious. If so, we wish them a swift and glorious death.

 

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Founder and DBP boss. Ryan likes the Kansas Jayhawks, long walks on the beach, and high fiving unsuspecting people.